Achilles what?

FYI, achilles tendonitis is an overuse injury.

Factors that contribute include:

• increase in activity,
• less recovery time between activities,
• change of footwear or training surface,
• weak calf muscles,
• decreased range of motion at the ankle joint, usually cause by tight calf muscles,
• running up hills,
• overpronation,
• wearing high heels

I guess a few of those factors apply to me. I am one month away from a 13.1 mile run and I have been dealing with achilles tendonitis for the past two weeks. Ever since the day after my epic fail. I have to tell you, because I haven't yet, that after the epic fail, I did run my 6 miles. And I wanted to write all about it. And if I had posted what I had written about that run, you would already know about the dreadful heel pain that began around mile 4 and continued through to the end, shooting up the bottom of my foot with every step. Good times.

In retrospect, I probably should have stopped, but it didn't feel like a huge problem at the time and there were many factors pushing me on, so on I went. I finished my first ever 6 mile run.

And then I couldn't run for 2 weeks. During a crucial time period in my training schedule. Needless to say, it has been a roller coaster of emotions and considerations over these past 2 weeks. Lots of internet searches and consultations with trusted advisers. Lots of tears, despair, anger, encouragement, pain, jealousy, hope, and um, despair. Trying to rest and allow my injury to heal while still maintaining my strength and conditioning, while simultaneously trying to rein in the blossoming fear of my ultimate failure. How have you been?

I have been slowly coming to grips with the fact that I probably will not be ready for race day. Not the way I wanted to be. Not the way I expected to be. There simply isn't time.

But I will run. That much I am sure of.

In order to get there, though, I have to be smart. I need to get back into my training, without re-injuring myself. I am currently on an aggressive stretching regimen (and by aggressive, I mean aggressive in frequency), as well as continuing to work on my strength (my calves & core especially, but other muscle groups as well.)

It may be important to note that this half-marathon is not my ultimate goal. I consider it a first step (albeit a big one) in my life as a runner. I may never run more than 13.1 miles and I don't know yet if I will ever want to. But I do want to run, just run, and it is important to me to preserve my ability to do so. So I am not willing to do myself harm in the pursuit of a single short term goal, no matter how much it means to me. Finding the balance I need to complete this short term training with a long term goal is not an easy task.

But -- I am clinging to the words of my trainer, who has been telling me for well over a month that I could go and run the half TODAY. He's serious. Clinging to the fact that this running thing is 90% mental. Which I wholeheartedly believe.

I ran 2 miles yesterday, at an easy pace, on an indoor track. And my foot feels okay. No pain during the run, which was a great encouragement to me. This weekend I will do a little more. Just a little. And I will try to ignore the calendar. And I will not compare myself to others. I will stretch. And I will continue to confide in the one person who believes in me without fail. And I will believe that anything is possible.

Epic Fail

This past weekend I experienced what my 12-year-old son would describe as an EPIC FAIL. I don't even want to tell you about it. But I will, because I am posting my training experience on the internet (or, as I like to call it, because it makes me giggle, the internets.)

As you know from my last post, I was feeling pretty good last week. That post was on a Tuesday. On Thursday, I had another great 4 mile run. It was awesome. I felt confident and strong.

I was really looking forward to the group run on Saturday because I felt absolutely ready to conquer my first 6 mile run. Since the running group is on a different training schedule than I am, my distance is usually shorter on our group run. This weekend, though, there were only 3 of us who could make it and because of time constraints, their distance was going to be close to mine. We met at our usual spot at Town Lake and I learned that the run that was mapped out for us was not going to be on the trail, as I had expected and hoped, but up Congress Avenue (a long steady incline.) I wavered for a few minutes trying to decide whether I should just run on my own around the trail or join the other ladies up Congress.

In the end, I opted to stick with the group, but it turned out this was a wrong decision for me. About a mile into the run, tired from the heat, the hill, and dodging pedestrians, I gave up. Whoever has told you that running is a mental game is not lying. (In fact, one of my husband's favorite quotes is from a documentary he watched recently about 3 guys who ran across Africa. One of these guys (a former chronic smoker & drinker) said, "For me running is 90% mental. And the other 10% is mental. I have no clue how I do this [expletive].")

At that moment on Congress Avenue on a sunny Saturday afternoon, I lost the mental game -- and I knew it. It wasn't the hill that defeated me, it was me. The most frustrating thing was knowing what was happening, watching it happen and feeling powerless to bring myself back.

It was awful. I felt like a complete and utter failure. I regretted my decision to run this route. I regretted my attitude and parting, snappy words to my friends. It was ugly. A forty-one year old woman should possess more dignity. I just didn't have it.

Thankfully, it was a long, long walk back down Congress. I stewed for a little while. I cried. I called my sister-in-law and she patiently listened to my frustrated ranting. Eventually, I made it back to the lake where I met my waiting family. We visited our local RunTex, where a scary Russian lady sold me a new pair of shoes. We returned home while I made vague mental plans to run my 6 miles tomorrow.

And I'll tell you how that went in my next post.