Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The first race of my career

My husband asked me later why I cried.

I struggled to come up with just one reason.

It could have been the sheer relief of reaching the end of a hilly run on a warm and muggy Texas November morning.

It could have been the hormones.

It could have been the smiling faces and cheering voices of my family and friends as they greeted me at the finish line. Or the camaraderie of a new found friend and sister who could have finished much, much sooner if she had only left my side.


It could have been the waiting comfort and safety of my husband's arms, the way the world outside faded around us in a moment that was ours alone.

Followed by the sweet intrusion of the children, awakened early on a Sunday morning without complaint, whose unrestrained love fills my heart to bursting.

It could have been the fleeting sensation of accomplishment and control, a buoy in a sea of discouragement and helplessness. The tiny glimmer of hope that truly anything is possible.

It could have been the emotion evoked in consideration of the purpose of this race, of the lives lost, of the families touched, of the battles waged and being waged still. The stories swirling all around me in an ocean of pink, festive and sober, the faces of those running in celebration and of those running in memory.

It could have been my own thoughts of one woman, one person in the long line of persons without whom I do not exist, the grandmother it was not my privilege to know. Had this particular disease not taken her, how many more years might she have had? Enough to see her youngest son become a man? Enough to meet the vivacious girl who would become his wife? Enough to have regaled his children with her wit? Would she have looked into my face and seen herself reflected there? As I see myself reflected in hers?

As I ran my race, these thoughts ran with me. Wondering. Dreaming. Wishing.

So, why did I cry?

How could I not?

6 comments:

  1. So sweet, Stephanie! I felt really emotional last year when I ran it for the first time, too, for many of the same reasons you mentioned. It's so wonderful that you were able to do the race, and to finish with so many supporters, and to feel all that you felt about it. I loved seeing your face as you crossed the finish line. There was no way we were leaving without seeing you across!

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  2. I'm glad I got to you and the family on Sunday! Congrats on your first race!

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  3. Yay! What a wonderful accomplishment and even more wonderful writing...

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  4. No words right now. Too much emotion. A lot of consideration. Much ador(admir)ation for the woman who is growing even more dear to me every moment. Staying the same wonderful you, yet changing as well into someone yet to be revealed. You are woman and you are awesome! Dog! Woman you make me crazy with love. Sick with love, even. I think I'll write a song.

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  5. Also, look at all the smiles you're wearing. They look really good on you.

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  6. Good stuff! I was waiting to read the post that went with that awesome finish line moment I witnessed last week. Very touching and very encouraging!

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